Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
