Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
