My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
