You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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