I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
