My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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