Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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