I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
