I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
