the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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