I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
