My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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