So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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