yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
