Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
