Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
