I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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