How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
