Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
