i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You can't special order awesome
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So many bounce houses so little time
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he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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