Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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