he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
