I think I won the penis lottery.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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