wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Enjoy the penises
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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