I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
