Porn is love you can see.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
