I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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