conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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