So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
