I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
