Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Found your dick twin last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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