On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize