you would pick up someone in the library
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
