grandma shit on top of the toilet
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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