Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
