i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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