i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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