Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.

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  (858): I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell. http://tfl.nu/6q5z
  Replies (6) Good night (615) Bad night (1884)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

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  (832): I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots" (832): On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep. http://tfl.nu/g6me
  Replies (16) Good night (3088) Bad night (644)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.

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  (218): Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace. http://tfl.nu/81g3
  Replies (47) Good night (918) Bad night (4871)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.

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  (613): We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed. http://tfl.nu/xcuo
  Replies (6) Good night (2799) Bad night (962)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Beer Popsicles are better in theory

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  (903): Beer Popsicles are better in theory http://tfl.nu/iyrx
  Replies (9) Good night (2026) Bad night (940)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.

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  (613): Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar. http://tfl.nu/8auj
  Replies (12) Good night (2712) Bad night (879)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.

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  (910): Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times. http://tfl.nu/h23j
  Replies (10) Good night (3381) Bad night (552)
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  (562): View more from California

  Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.

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  (562): Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid. http://tfl.nu/2ztg
  Replies (23) Good night (2025) Bad night (958)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete

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  (973): They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete http://tfl.nu/wsoe
  Replies (3) Good night (1822) Bad night (389)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.

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  (720): She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship. http://tfl.nu/wvbn
  Replies (15) Good night (488) Bad night (1400)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr

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  (330): do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr http://tfl.nu/tk9o
  Replies (0) Good night (702) Bad night (299)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila

  (716): View more from New York

  Step 4: your drunk

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  (716): Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila (716): Step 4: your drunk http://tfl.nu/kixe
  Replies (4) Good night (498) Bad night (261)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.

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  (646): Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini. http://tfl.nu/wt6x
  Replies (3) Good night (664) Bad night (184)
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  (949): View more from California

  I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.

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  (949): I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited. http://tfl.nu/5fzq
  Replies (0) Good night (600) Bad night (216)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay

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  (919): it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay http://tfl.nu/gpt5
  Replies (2) Good night (471) Bad night (191)

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