Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?