She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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