im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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