I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
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I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy