Apparently you make a good broom.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
