If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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