you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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