She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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