woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
