Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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