Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
COCAINE IS GR8
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
