I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
