just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
