Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
