I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we're so committed to being not committed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
