So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
