sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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