even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize