Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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