I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
