YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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