Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Shame - the story of my life.
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