I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
