It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
