so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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