you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
