Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
