It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
