lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
