I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
