So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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