just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
