my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
