farters have to be the big spoon...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
